Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Those Preconceived Notions of High School

Crazy story:

On MTV last night, a guy from my high school, Ryan, was on there! First off, he was on the 16 and Pregnant show. He was the father of this adorable baby, Bentley, I think his name was. Second off, it was a sweet story. He and Maci (I'm beginning to feel stalkerish that I know this story and am blogging about it) are getting married, so it showed them kind of thinking about the wedding, but Ryan has to go out of town to Kansas(maybe) for an entire month, so Maci is sad. And it made me sad too. There is a follow-up show coming next week I think maybe, because they left us hangin'.

But this brought back memories from high school.

Ryan, well he was that guy in high school. That guy, who was a year older than me, and that as a freshman and sophomore, I'm pretty sure I never uttered a word to his face. But, if I was lucky enough to see him that day, I always remembered what he was wearing, where I saw him, and who he was talking to.

He was absolutely beautiful, I remember that clearly. My memory is failing me, but I'm pretty sure he drove a huge, lifted truck. He played football. He was friends with the 'popular' people. Maybe he was the popular one. (I'll have to ask Merd to confirm those details because she remembers everything.)

I got myself together enough my junior year to talk to him, because somehow, I became a lot more confident, and I finally realized that it was more weird how I was completely silent around him than if I just said something stupid. I'm pretty sure he assumed I was mute before this.

But whenever something came out of my mouth, I remember it never being very profound.

To this day, I'm not sure if I could speak a normal word to him, especially nothing witty. Something would probably come out of my mouth like, "Hey I saw you on MTV. You didn't see that blog post I dedicated to you on December 9th, did you?"

And immediately thinking,"Oh dear, WHY did I say that."

I'm sure he would respond perplexed, "No, what are you talking about?"

And I'd quickly reply something along the lines of, "Oh, I don't know. What are you talking about?"

And then the awkward tension would come and I'd say, "Well it was so good to see you Edward. I mean, Ryan." Giggle. "Ryan Edwards. I always used to get confused as to which was your first and which was your last name, because they both seem like first names. But, I mean, I like your name. Just confusing. Dear goodness, I have a terrible memory. Okay, I better go now because... uhhh.... my arm is hurting from pushing this shopping cart."

Turn around and leave, chuckling to myself because I just made something normal be awkward, once again.

Then I would most definitely run into him again, pushing my shopping cart, which was "making my arm hurt". I would feel the need to either a.) explain that my arm suddenly got better through a miraculous miracle, or more likely, b.) make awkward/avoidance eye-contact with him as we are walking toward each other on the same aisle, realize it's going to be awkward, and immediately cause a small buggy jam on the toilet paper aisle as I try to turn my cart around and run into a shelf, causing some toilet paper to fall onto the ground and have stop to pick it up, my face now radiating red.

It's funny how high school insecurity was so prevalent in my life. Now, I would talk to anyone, hot or not, without a thought about it.

But I think that there was a preconceived notion that ruled my brain telling me that these other people were so cool. It caused me not to be myself for about a year and a half in high school. That preconceived notion was so hammered into my thoughts by my own self, that I would still not be able to act normal around him 4 years later.

But if I hadn't known him in high school, I would probably be able to have a complete conversation, and I might even be able to cause him to think that I'm almost normal. Maybe.

Anyways, I thought I'd share with you a few picture from high school. None of these include Ryan because I wasn't that cool, but this is me.

I'm on the far right above.
I'm in the pink.

And I'm over on the far right again.

So my conclusion is, why do we think that other people are too cool for us to talk to? This is completely ridiculous and I'm taking a stand against it. Facebook group, anyone?

Any ideas for the title of the group?