Sunday, January 31, 2010

How to get into a Long-Term Relationship

In light of February beginning tomorrow, I wanted to share with you some advice.

Most of you, if you know me at all, know that I am a pro on the topic of relationships, especially long-term ones. On this cold slushy Sunday afternoon, I have decided that I'd give you a few pointers so that you can have that special Valentine in just two weeks.

So for those of you who have a hard time finding that one guy and sticking with him, here are a few tips:

1. Flirting and playing it cool doesn't really work. If you see a guy that you like, just be straight up. The conversation should go like this:
You: "Hi, I'm Desperate Deborah."
Him: "Hey, I'm Hot Harold."
You: "Well, I was just staring at your bottom as you were walking by, and I was wondering if you'd like to take me on a date."
Him: "YESSS!!!"
This allows your relationship to start off on an open, honest note. It will move quickly from there.

2. It doesn't matter at what point in the relationship you are (the first date is always a good time), tell him that God wants you to marry him and ask him to pray about that. It'll hook him.

3. If you realize, after going on a date with him, that you can do better than him... Don't worry! Just stay with him. Force yourself to like him. If you're too good for a guy, that probably means he'll like you more because you're out of his league, and he'll be less likely to break up with you. Perfect platform for beginning that long-term relationship.

4. Wait until the 2nd or 3rd date, and suggest going to the mall. As you walk by the jewelry store, walk in, look at engagement rings and tell him what you want. This will hint that you're in it for the long run. And he's going to love it!

5. It's always good to choose an unattractive (ugly is best) guy because he'll be more likely not to cheat on you and this will truly be a long-term relationship. I mean, if you pick a smokin' hot one, other girls will hit on him and he could give in. An ugly guy will have less girls hitting on him and less attractive girls hitting on him. So, women, choose wisely! When you're 78 years old and blind, it won't matter if he's hot or not, it'll just matter that he's still with you and not some other woman.

So obviously, I have followed these rules rigorously. I haven't actually ever had a long-term boyfriend, but only because I haven't wanted one and so I purposely slipped up on the rules.

To all my single ladies: See you at Valentine's Day (the movie) with your new boys!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Look-A-Like Week

This is the week to make your profile picture someone who is famous who you look like. I haven't changed mine picture yet, but I'm thinking Ginnifer Goodwin. I hear from people after they watch He's Just Not That Into You, that I look like her. I'm not sure if it's looks or mannerisms or what... But I don't really see the resemblance. It's always hard to tell who you yourself look like, but I looked at pictures of her and pictures of me... I'm not seeing it.

See for yourself:

And me:

Friday, January 29, 2010

Wonder Woman

I was thinking a few weeks back that it would be really fun to write a blog as someone else. Like, make up a person and have really awesome stories in this girl's life.

The problem sometimes with blogging for me is that I don't always have stuff to write about, but if I could make someone up, like a mom with 5 kids who loves to exercise, eats everything organic, cooks all the time, is strong in her faith, has a sweet tooth, and loves adventures.

Of course, I can't really make up this wonder woman because it would be lying. But maybe, just maybe, I could make her up and let people know that she's made up, kind of like a book.

Would anyone actually want to read this? I could just do it for my own enjoyment, but I have a feeling I'd want to blog about wonder woman more than about my own slightly boring life.

Well, those are just my thoughts for the morning. Happy almost weekend! I'm hoping a blizzard blows in in the next 10 minutes before I have to leave for class.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Workout Fail

Today is Monday; that means it is the day for my second workout.

This morning I prepared by waking up at 6:45, dressing in my workout clothes, and putting my hair up in a pony tail. I went to my classes, then headed to workout.

As soon as I got there I realized that I did not have my wallet which had my student id so that I could get into the workout center. Mars was already inside so I called her and she came out. We looked for my student id in my book bag and didn't see it, so we decided to just leave and go on a walk or something. Walking outside into a strong gust of wind quickly changed our minds and we chose to go shopping for workout clothes.

Hey, that's kind of like working out, isn't it? Workout clothes will entice us to work out! But I was disappointed because I didn't have my wallet to buy anything.

Anyways, right as we were getting into the car, I looked down to see my wallet in my purse. I had searched my book bag. My student id was there after all. We had already gotten excited about shopping, so we couldn't decide: walk back to work out or drive to shop?

Well, we decided to shop: Fail.

I think I subconsciously did that... I subconsciously just imagined my student id being gone so that I didn't have to workout.

Sad, I know.

Friday, January 22, 2010

To Rhonda, Linda, Nancy and Helga.

I would like to dedicate this post to....





And just to be fair, Dawn:

And just for laughs, I had to include these because I found them as I was looking at my old pictures:

Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Great Workout

Okay, so my blog is a place of honesty. I have been honest with you about my boy obsessions, the worst day of my life, and random awkward moments. And once again I am going to be honest with you.

I honestly hate working out. I know people say they love running or working out, but I just don't see how they can like it, nonetheless love it. So, I'm going to be one of the first people to ever be honest about it. I hate it.

Well, this whole thing started on Monday with me reading an article in Health, the magazine. The magazine gave me ten reasons to exercise. I can't exactly remember all of them, but the most enticing reasons (and the only ones I can remember) were 1. it improves your memory, and 2. it makes you physically feel better.

I absolutely cannot remember a thing. My memory is so bad that I have thought to myself at times that I could be developing early dementia. But that rant is for another time. At any rate, having a better memory was very enticing. Any secondly, exercise makes you feel better, and heaven knows I could use some of that since I get bone aches from just walking to class.

This whole memory gain plus feeling better, well it sounded pretty good. I decided I would exercise. I mean, I know I've always disliked it (dislike, as in absolutely despised it), but you know, maybe since it's 2010 now, I would discover a new and exciting love for it.

The thing is, I have always thought I'd rather just eat nothing instead of exercise if it came down to it. I've read about all of the good things. I've had my friends tell me how running makes them feel better. And I know that building muscle helps burn more calories. Seriously, I know a lot about exercise... from magazines, not from experience.

That never changes anything. All of these great things, but still, Mel has never budged on this one. Been there, done that, hated it. Like, people don't even ask if I'd like to exercise with them because they know the answer.

Okay, so back to my new memory plan: I sent a text to cousin Mol and sister Mars and asked if they wanted to work out during a break that we all had on Wednesday.

They agreed. Wednesday rolls around. I begin thinking of reasons to not go. I didn't get much sleep last night. Wait, the article said that exercise is good for waking you up or something. Ok, well it's really rainy and cloudy and umm, I can't... Hmm, there's no reason there. Ok, well I just don't feel good. Dang, that article! It covered every excuse. I'll just go do it. It will be fun.

So off to the gym I go. We did the eliptical thing first. I got a good 15 minutes in and moved to the bike thinking it'd be a nice break, you know, sitting down. Ahhh, I couldn't have been more wrong. 5 minutes on that thing and I was outta there. I kept giving Mary looks behind me and mouthing, "This is terrrrible!"

We moved to weights. The weights weren't too bad at first. I only complained to Mars that it was absolutely miserable and I hated it about three times. We did inner legs, outer legs, sides... Lots of things, and then we were finished about an hour later.

Most people say they feel good after they exercise. I didn't feel any different. But I knew the next day would be miserable.

The next day was miserable.

I awakened to a stiff body. Sore sides, couldn't cross my legs for the pain. It wasn't too fun. Not horrific, but not comfortable by any means.

And then the next morning rolls around, two days after the Great Workout.

Pain. Agony. Suffering. Okay, maybe not that bad. But I kept waking up all morning because my legs hurt when I moved them. I had to lie straight... Flat on my back, legs completely straight, no moving. As I was laying there, the thought came to mind: I'm going to fall to the ground when I get out of bed! What am I going to do?

I waited a while and slowly got out of bed away from the bedside table, clinging to my bed as an aid. I didn't fall down! But I went straight to the bath because that was the only thing I could think to do.

Surprising to me, I have made it through this day so far, slowly, but I'm making it! Mars says I need to exercise again soon. The thought makes me want to cry. But I know I need to do it. My memory has already failed me multiple times today, and Gav has agreed that she thinks I could be getting the early signs of dementia:

I didn't even recognize a guy who I spent all day with on Monday. He talked to me, but I think he recognized the blank stare on my face as I ran through my memory trying to figure out who he was--you would think I would be a pro at faking knowing people because I can never seem remember people. But anyways, then I came in from class, asked Gav where Nat is and she laughed because she had told me about 17 times that she has initiation, then I searched for my phone which was in my hand. All in a 10 minute period.

So I guess I will be working out on Monday. Well, possibly. I think Mars is going to make me do it.

Oh dear, the Great Workout. How long do you think this will last?

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Cheap, Easy, and a Whole New Look!

This new year calls for a new look in the P-Pad (yeah, that's the new name that I just thought of to call our apartment--we all have names that start with a P).

As we were sitting bored today, we decided to rearrange our furniture.

I have so enjoyed the new arrangement. It brings a cozier aspect to the room that we didn't really want in the summer, but now it's perfect! Change is always good after a while of living in the same space. My mother is the queen of moving furniture/rooms (thankfully we never really could move houses easily). Every time I go home there is already a new arrangement, or else she'll ask me to help her move. I love it!

I'm pretty sure I've developed that moving gene.

But, in my mind, there is no reason why you shouldn't rearrange. It never hurts anything.

And in case I haven't convinced you, I'll give you the top 3 reasons to get up off the sofa and move it:
1. It doesn't cost anything, and that is always a plus.
2. Well, it doesn't cost anything besides energy, and especially on rainy days like today, that is always needed.
3. You get a whole new room with just a few shoves of the furniture.

So go ahead and change your furniture around! If you don't like it, change it in a couple of days.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Goodbye History

Christmas break is over. Classes have begun. School will be in full force soon. But will I be ready to take on my current schedule with 19 hours?

I have been somewhat lazy in my schedule at the University of Tennessee and have not taken more than 13 hours in a semester. I am on track to graduate on time but I need to take a history class in order to graduate.

A history class. Oh, history classes. My history with history has not been pretty.

I have been enrolled in 2 history classes before, and I have had to drop both of them with W's because of my problems with it. Both of them were just too detailed and complicated and jam-full of too much information that I just didn't care about.

I went today to a history class in which I am enrolled. It was, well, interesting. The first interesting history class in my life. But it wasn't the history that was interesting. It was the teacher, Prof M.

Her pants came above her ankles. Her voice sounded like she was about to cry and she described every point on the syllabus, repeated it, gave an example, then clarified with another example, and possibly even another.

The mike (mic? mircophone?) made a loud noise which really didn't phase me because it's really not a rare occurrence in college classes. But Prof M's reaction was priceless-- a terrified look on her face as she crossed her eyes to look down at the mike. She glanced up, now looking like she was going to cry along with already sounding like she was going to cry. It was one of those things where even you would love to disappear because it's so awkward for that person.

The great reaction brought a few chuckles to the girls in our row, along with a few other people in the class. But what came next was totally uncalled for.

I impersonated Prof M. I crossed my eyes and looked terrified as I stared down at my hand like there was a mike in my hand. Gav looked over to see what I was doing and she laughed OUT LOUD. I was immediately thinking, Why did I do that? Why would that be a good idea? None of the outcomes could be good. I wish I'd just left that little part out.

The classroom was silent except for Gav's burst of laughter which quickly subsided, but nonetheless, everyone heard it. I was trying to hide behind the person in front of me as I was silently laughing. The guy behind us said, "That was loud."

The teacher looked around, then inquiring, "Oh, is the mike not on?"

The sad thing was that no one told her, "Yes, excuse us, we're laughing because the mike is not on." Because we weren't. We were laughing at her.

She looked puzzled. We were sliding down in our seats so as not to be seen by the teacher and further humiliating her and ourselves too.

We could not stop laughing for about ten minutes when I finally forced myself to no longer think about the incident, the woman, her voice, and her facial expressions.

Needless to say, I'm pretty sure that I'm dropping the class so as not to cause myself more embarrassment. I have a problem. I do things without thinking. I cannot hold my laughter. It causes awkward situations. It causes other people to feel bad. I need to work on it. But I'm not practicing with this class. It's not worth it.

For the 3rd semester, goodbye history!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Buying Me A Drink.

Christmas break ended with a bang.

The latter part of my break consisted of Passion 2010 conference which was ballin' and then a few cozy snow days and then my birthday.

My 21st birthday was pretty great.

It began on Sunday, my birthday eve, as I celebrated with my family. We went to Macaroni Grill after church and I opened some presents that my family gave me. I got an adorable purse, a cute skirt, laptop cover (I lost my grip on my laptop last week and had a nice little ride down the stone steps), and a few other things.

So after lunch, we headed home, I packed up and came back to Knoxville. At midnight, my lovely neighbors and Nat told me that I just had to buy a drink at midnight. It being Sunday, I had to go to the gas station (classy, I know) to buy something. I was incredibly nervous just looking at the alcoholic beverages. I chose Mike's Hard Lemonade because it looked the best (everything else was beer).

I got in line nervously and showed the guy my ID. He announced my 21st birthday to everyone in line and I'm pretty sure I looked like a scared little rabbit, as my smile was one where my lips were dry and stuck on my teeth, I didn't make eye contact with anyone, and my hands were sweating. Suddenly, I grabbed my hard lemonade to jet out, failing to shell out any money. When the cashier reminded me to pay, I ripped out my wallet, shoved him my card, and was out of there as quickly as possible, hoping the neighbors and Nat didn't notice how quickly I was walking out of the gas station. I even felt strange holding the bag with the alcoholic drink in it and I wanted to just drop it and leave it behind.

At any rate, I went back to my apartment, put the hard lemonade in my frig and still haven't had one and it's five days later. But, buddy, I bought an alcoholic drink at midnight on my 21st birthday! And I don't actually have to describe the gas station/shaking with nervousness/forgetting to pay scene to the people who I want to look smooth in front of.

I'll just keep the details to a minimum. I was so cool as a 21 year old.