Sunday, June 14, 2009

I'm more like ants than I ever realized

It is 4:19 AM as I begin this post. That means it's 4 in the morning for those of you who get your AM and PM mixed up... I know you're out there. But, my computer says the AM/PM thing by the time, so that's how I know for sure I'm not wrong about this.

Anyhow, I must tell you, the reason I am awake is because my bedroom does not have air conditioning and I woke up feeling like it was about 108 degrees in here. I tried to go back to sleep--this was at about 3:15 when I originally woke up--but obviously, it didn't really work out for me. I went and got some water, my mom woke up, so I talked to her for a while, and then came back to bed and still didn't sleep, so about an hour later, I'm writing a blog post in my sweltering hot room. But that's okay because blogging helps everything, doesn't it? And plus, I know that God has me awake blogging for a reason, right?

As I have laid in bed, I started thinking about lots of things. I have had a crazy week/end to say the least. I have experienced many mixed emotions and I really don't know how I feel about my life as a whole. One day, it seemed to all be going very well as planned and the next it seemed to be falling apart.

I have dealt with my rollercoaster life this year in many ways. And I have seen that only one way works. I can't handle my problems. I can't handle my life. I can't handle anything, well without the help of my Creator, the all powerful One.

So, I'm learning (yes, still learning) that I can't question God as to why He lets really weird things happen in my life. I can't question why it all happens at once, why I can't sleep, why my problems seem to have no solution, or why I always seem to hurt my right little toe by hitting it on a certain chair as I walk past and it just makes me so mad.

God knows why, and I have no right to question his reasons because He is sovereign. He is so huge. He knows so much more than I do about myself, my life, the world, and other people surrounding me. For me to even think I deserve to know even a tad bit of the why's in my life would be arrogant of me. That would mean that I think I am so much smarter that I am bcause the Lord is huge and I cannot even grasp a fourth of his character and being--I can't understand what eternity is, what Holiness is like, or what perfect love truly is--so there is no way that I have a right to understand or that I should even be able understand why God is letting certain things happen in my life, and I certainly have no right to question Him.

This is comforting because I can know that He does have it under control when I feel it is spinning out of control.

It is comforting to remember that through tough situations the Lord is molding us, and that is what we can cling to during those times. Everything He does is for mine and your good, for those of us who love Him. Trials develop our character and our understanding of others, and increase our humility. And the Lord knows that I need stronger character, understanding and humility.

He must want us to have these things for a future endeavor that He understands and that we have no idea about. That is why I say that we can't understand even one-fourth of Him--because He knows the future. How comforting that is! The One who knows the future is making my plans.

He loves us more than we can imagine, and He doesn't like to see us suffering. But He can also see the big picture. And in that big picture, these things that seem so big in my life now will look like tiny little ants.

Have you ever watched ants? They carry those pieces of food that are huge to them. The food can be like twice the size of them or maybe bigger (I'm not really an ant expert), and it looks so difficult to carry, and it probably is. I could easily pick up the (to me, tiny) piece of food for the ant and put it at its home so that it never had to leave it's dirt recliner in its living log, but that would not be beneficial for the ant if I did that for him for its entire life. He would have nothing to do and would probably soon die because of being out of shape. Ants thrive on their structured lives and plans, and when I come and take out the hard work and challenges in their lives, they would quickly die because if there is no reason for them to get out to get their food, they will quickly be out of shape and will die from obesity or from being weak against a predator, or even against another ant who wants the same food I have given it and my little ant can no longer defend its food.

"You lazy fool, look at an ant.
Watch it closely; let it teach you a thing or two."
Proverbs 6:6
(The Message)

My point being: God could easily give us what we want, when we want. To Him, that is nothing; that is easy. But, oh how we would be missing out on so much, on growing and thriving. And when we look back we'd wish that we could have grown back then so we could benefit from it later. Through the big picture God sees what we need, and trials are not a punishment--they are something that we need to experience to become the person that He wants us to become.

(I know this ant illustration was so random, but it just suddenly came to me so I went with it.)

Next time I see those ants covering the mailbox or trailing down the kitchen counter, I think I'm going to be a little less annoyed with them and feel a little bit more sympathy because now that I realize it, I'm a lot more like those ants that I ever realized.

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