A couple of days ago, I read a verse--
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." John 14:1
The verse really stuck with me for the next few days. I really considered what the verse meant in my life. There are plenty of times when I get so worked up and concerned that I literally feel sick to my stomach.
I went to White Water on Friday where I was scared of just about everything because most of the time I have the mentality that something bad is going to happen and it will most definitely involve me as the main character (kind of like the ear thing). But I remembered the verse that I had read the night before. I cannot think that bad things are always going to happen. Living with anxiety is simply not living. I have to trust that God's plan is perfect and that his commands are always best. To have fun with the Suddaths and my cousins at White Water, I had to stop worrying.
We left the park late so we didn't get home till about 7 and we were having a party that night at my house at about 7:30. I still had to take a shower and cook. But I remembered on the 2 hour trip back- "Do not let your hearts be troubled." And hey, that was so much easier. It turned out fine because there was nothing worrying could do.
And yesterday, the Fourth. Well it was an eventful, exciting day. And honestly, eventful and exciting are not two of my favorite words. I just want normal for a while. But, God has other plans for my days. First off, I started making jello by boiling water on the stove top. Then I proceeded to go to the pool for a while then to my aunt's. Two hours later I remembered the boiling water on the stove and I ordered Mary to sprint down to my house as I pictured my kitchen in flames and the firefighters not being able to put out the fire. I borrowed my aunt's car and drove down here praying to get home to a house that was not on fire. I was so relieved to find my house with only a black pot on the stovetop.
I thanked God for sparing me the huge burden of having burned my house down (and also losing all of my favorite clothes).
The family Fourth of July picnic was in the evening. We were all eating and having a good time. There were about 150 people at my aunt's house next door from around the neighborhood. I was standing in the yard when a man came running up and said, "Big Bill just collapsed." That's my dad.
I was standing next to Garren and he ran down the hill to find Dad but I just stood still and started to cry, not knowing what else to do. My mom came sprinting across the field with her shoes in her hands and then the doctors, first responders and policemen who were at the party ran down there. They wouldn't let us go down there, so pretty much I was just freaking out because I'm not calm in emergency situations.
My cousins and I got in a circle and prayed. An ambulance came but Dad had woken up and refused to get in it. I was worried sick. Literally.
And then I remembered the verse. "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in me."
Troubled. That means disturbed, upset, worried. That was exactly what I was. I could barely carry on a conversation because I was so consumed with the circumstances, but really, God is so much more powerful than I. He could allow my dad to be fine or to be hurt. And God is all knowing. He knows what I can handle and He knows what will make me stronger. He wouldn't allow anything to happen that is not good for my character.
God loves my dad so much and he loves me and my family so much. He's not going to let anything happen that is not the best thing. I just have to trust Him.
Trusting in Him means obeying his commands. He commands me not to let my heart be troubled. So that is what I will do. This command, for me, is one of the most liberating ones in the bible. I shouldn't be upset, uneasy, or distressed because Someone has it all under control and that's not me.
And that is probably the best thing I have heard in a really long time.
My dad stayed at home last night after the incident and he ended up being fine. I was no longer troubled and went right to sleep, forgetting that my windows and sunroof were down. I woke up this morning to some much needed rain for the garden and grass and some soaking wet leather seats in my car. But hey, it's just a car. I won't be troubled over that.
